Values vs. Paycheck: Wondering What I'm Going to Do for the Rest of my Life

It takes me a long time to make a decision, and when I finally do, I follow through. At my worst this makes me both indecisive AND stubborn: every time someone asks me what I want to do after I graduate is a personal crisis because even though I understand career choices aren't a straight line, I can't jump the hurdle that whatever I choose could be permanent. I usually come up with the weak answer, "I haven't really had enough classes to decide," or "something involved in sustainability." That works now, but what about when I have to choose electives? Or when I'm actually graduating?

One of my biggest fears is selling out. I'm a compassionate person, but a little bit of an idealist. If I become a professional engineer or a project manager, it's possible that I could be working on projects that directly oppose my views on sustainability and social issues. One example of this is that I was recently reading a booklet sent out by a company advertising resilient cities, and showed off plans about big urban centers and new neighborhoods. On the surface, this was exciting: a private sector company that cared about making our cities more environmentally friendly seemed too good to be true. However, in an effort to sell their ideas, they discuss how much the rent would rise as an added benefit. With this, you have to wonder if we have an issue making green communities inclusive to people who can't afford higher rent.

This was in the middle of my internship, where I was learning about the cut-throat construction industry-- I came to realize that the profit driven nature of the private sector strays too far from my values. Owners generally go for the lowest bidder. Who decides what projects I work on, and who they're going to benefit? Even if I am working at a company that won a huge sustainability project, would my team be as interested in making an impact, or will they just be looking for a paycheck?

I've also thought about the public sector, but that also lacks some agency (pun not intended). I can't imagine how employees at the EPA feel in our political climate if they went in hoping to make an impact. However, I have not immersed myself in this side yet and want to do so before I decide that it is also not for me.

Another option I've been seriously considering is furthering my education and getting a PhD, perhaps in a field other than engineering. My practical training in engineering may translate well if I were to end up at a think take like the Earth Institute or UCLA, but becoming a tenured professor is a bit of a gamble. I do love technical writing, and I'm hoping to get some undergraduate research experience in to see if I love it enough to put that much money and time into extra schooling. I also enjoy teaching.

It's apparent I have an internal conflict going on about what my values really are. I want to be able to sustain myself AND the planet, but I'm not sure how feasibly I can get both. At this point, with three years left of undergrad, I'm just trying to get my hands on any exposure possible and talk to a wide variety of people in various aspects of industry.